"It is okay to know who I am."
                Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families - Affirmation #1


I'm a process in a body.  Who I am has been in flux since before I was born.  I have no concrete self, no set "I".  I am changing every moment.  Change can cause release; it can also cause anxiety.  But I do have rhythms and patterns flowing through me.  Rhythms and patterns that began in infancy and have continued, some getting stronger, others getting weaker or alternating again.  I give myself permission to look at my patterns, to review my journey.  Giving myself permission to look and increase awareness is not the same as doing it.  I also need the permission of the Higher Powers to reveal to me what I need to know at the right time.

I say I want to retrieve my childhood memories, but when I open to the exploration, I get pulled into strong feelings and react by pushing the tendrils of memories away.  Seeking to be more aware and to remember my past does not mean I won't feel discomfort.  Too much discomfort might mean that it is not yet time to remember, that I am not emotionally ready.  I need to pay attention to how I am feeling as much as I can.  This leads to intuition and to guidance from something known yet unknown, the mysterious, yet ever present, Higher Powers.