A Recovery Blog

This blog is about my continuing recovery from severe mental illness. I celebrate this recovery by continuing to write, by sharing my music and artwork and by exploring Buddhist ideas and concepts. I claim that the yin/yang symbol is representative of all of us because I have found that even in the midst of acute psychosis there is still sense, method and even a kind of balance. We are more resilient than we think. We can cross beyond the edge of the sane world and return to tell the tale. A deeper kind of balance takes hold when we get honest, when we reach out for help, when we tell our stories.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Song: Right & Wrong

Right & Wrong

He is locked up                              
With only one key to freedom.      
They sealed him inside of
Four walls
Because he took a life,
Took a life, because he took a life
That was not his to take
But he took it anyway.

Yeah, he was crazy
Out of his mind
That’s why he took a life
Took a life away.

There was method in his madness
That people mistook for culpability
But he lost his way
His ability to distinguish
Between right and wrong.

Yeah, he was crazy
Out of his mind
That’s why he took a life
Took a life away.

So he is locked up
With only one key
Yes he is locked up
With only one key
To freedom.


Play Song

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Song: Boys Are Blue

Boys Are Blue

Boys are blue        
And girls are pink
They get taught at a young age
Not to reason and think,
But to swallow it whole
With their toys and their clothes
And the ones that can’t conform
Are all told that they're wrong.

Boys will be boys
With so much energy
They climb the walls  
And pick a leader  
From their pack    
And pick their spots  
And wait to attack  
Each other.  

They’re given weaponry
It’s all fake
But we can still see the message
Behind the play
Kill your brothers
And then walk away
The victor.

War games
War games  
It’s insane  
How we teach boys
To maim and kill.  

Boys are blue        
And girls are pink
They get taught at a young age
Not to reason and think,
But to swallow it whole
With their toys and their clothes
And the ones that can’t conform
Are all told that they’re wrong.

So be wrong
And don’t conform
Take off the military uniform  (x2)
There are peaceful ways  (x3)
To be strong.


Monday, February 10, 2014

Song: Buddha In Her Body

Buddha In Her Body

There is Buddha in her body  
And Jesus in her mind.
Buddha captivates her heart
While Jesus helps her find
The path of revolution    
That others left behind.

Peace on earth is not a promise    
That either man made,
But they left a legacy a few have heard
On how love conquers hate.

It’s the only path to this world’s freedom,  
The only path
It’s an illusion that we are not all the same,  
That only some die in a savior’s name    
And go to heaven while the rest of us fall  
Down into the darkness of nothing at all.  

She preaches to an empty choir  
About the joys of reaching higher.  
Because there is Buddha in her body
And Jesus in her mind.


 Play Song

Song: Clueless

Clueless

My sickness started    
When I was just a kid    
With Mr. John Lennon singing -    
He sang - Run for your life little girl  
Catch you with another man
That’s the end
Little girl.

So here I was
Just 7 years old
Running round the house
Singing - Run for your life little girl
Catch you with another man
That’s the end
Little girl.

I was sweet, but clueless
Running to the rhythm of the music,
Mixing up images of love and war
Between lovers who want more and more
Conflict to fuel their passion,
Barely disguised aggression,
More about dominance and control
Swallowing the addiction whole.


Play Song

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Song: You Have Never

You Have Never

You have never          
Walked on the water;  
You have never
Been nailed to a cross;  
You haven’t raised the dead,
Except inside your head.

Extraordinary you are maybe  
But more than that    
You’re just crazy.

You’ve called me Jesus, too  
But Jesus is not me, not you
And Lucifer is in recovery
He once was blind
But now he sees
If only partially.      

It’s better than nothing.
This glass is half full.

You have never
Walked on the water;
You have never
Been nailed to a cross.
You haven’t raised the dead,
Except inside your head.

Extraordinary you are maybe
But more than that
You’re just crazy.

It’s better than nothing.
This glass is half full.


Monday, February 3, 2014

Rest In Peace Moocher


I came back to my home in New York after staying with my father for two and a half weeks.  I discovered quickly that one of my cats was dying, my oldest cat (15 years), Moocher.  I've spent the last fours days and nights waiting for him to go and decided last night to have him euthanized this morning.  I am both depressed and detached.  All my cats have been and are great, but Moocher had been with me since almost the beginning of my acute psychosis all the way through into my recovery.  He was a wonderful, little being, full of energy, affection and playfulness, not just with me, but with all the other cats.  I will miss him.  He was a great friend.  May you be well wherever you are now my Moocher.